So my nails had gotten to the point where they were just hanging on by a wing and a prayer. Remember the just hang in there posters with the kitten on a clothesline? That was my nails. Except more like this.
Two of my nails got caught on something and got torn off backwards right down to the quick within three days of each other. One of them even involved bleeding, both involved swearing. That’s when I decided they’d gone past the point of saving. So I pulled a Snake Plissken and hit reset on everything. That’s right, they all got cut off and filed down! You know how whenever you see (accidentally, of course) a picture of a celebrity without makeup and your involuntary reaction is always ‘Yikes!’? Well, here’s a look at the current state of my nails in all their naked, unvarnished glory:
WARNING: The following material may disturb more sensitive viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.
Two days later, this appeared in my mailbox:
Yes, that’s right. The new Zoya Magical Pixie Dust Collection for Summer! Want a closer look at these beauties? Of course you do!
Ordering to delivery time? Slightly less than a week. And yet somehow within that time frame I managed to completely forget that I ordered them and hacked off all the nails. I couldn’t wait two days so that I could at least just swatch them on my remaining good nails? Apparently not. I blame a fit of momentary madness. Like when you reach that point where you just can’t take it anymore and your hair must be cut NOW! So you hack it off with some scissors/a butcher knife/whatever’s on hand with the thought of ‘whatever, it’ll grow back’.
So whatever, they’ll grow back. But I want to see what my new polish looks like NOW! And on my actual nails, not on my swatch sticks. NOW!
Remember that Bette Midler song “From a Distance”? I remember reading (in a book about pianos) that Julie Gold wrote that song one night when her piano had just been delivered and all she could do was look at it. I can’t remember whether it was a new piano or a new place and her piano had just arrived. Either way, when a piano has been moved you have to wait until it settles and adjusts to the temperature and humidity of its new environment before you can play it. So she spent the night just looking across the room at her piano and not being able to touch it.
So that’s me and my Magical Pixie Dusts right now. Did I happen to mention that the new OPI Coca-Cola Collection is currently winging its way towards me as well? Whatever, delayed gratification builds character. Or, as that noted philosopher Kanye Clarkson Nietzsche once observed, that which doesn’t kill me can only serve to make me stronger. Yeah!
So what does this all mean in the bigger picture? It means that after I finish off the reviews I have in the queue that it’s going to be time to roll out all the nudes and neutrals while waiting for nature to take its course. For even more entertainment, I suggest starting a drinking game that involves taking a shot every time I manage to come up with yet another way to describe beige…